It's hard to watch the news or read the paper without coming across some mention of infidelity, either by an elected official or some famous personality. What are the facts on infidelity? Is everybody cheating on their spouses? And how can we affair-proof our marriages? First, the facts. It's tough to get a handle on marital affairs, but according to recent polls, 22 percent of married men have strayed at least once during their married lives, and 14 percent of married women have had an affair at some time. Younger people are more likely to have an affair; in fact, younger women are as likely as younger men to cheat on their spouses. Seventy percent of married women and 54 percent of married men did not know about their spouses' affair. Seventeen percent of divorces in America are caused by infidelity. These statistics are in spite of the fact that 90 percent of Americans believe adultery is morally wrong.

Recent information from the Orlando Sentinel helps to shed light on why people have affairs. The fact is that affairs commonly start with someone you know and spend time with, such as friends and co-workers. It happens in marriages where people don't talk to each other, and where couples are longing for intimacy, which isn't the same thing as sex. Many affairs happen very subtly when one hurting person meets another hurting person. Although the reasons differ, men tend to have affairs for sexual reasons or to boost their egos. Women tend to have affairs because they yearn for someone to love and appreciate them; in other words, for emotional support. Knowing these facts can help us to affair-proof our marriages. Women can help affair-proof their marriages by encouraging their husbands, by being their greatest fans, and by meeting their sexual needs. Men can help affair-proof their marriages by providing strong emotional support, love, and appreciation to their wives.

Believe it or not, there are warning signs that your spouse might be straying. Simply being tuned in to your spouse's behavior will help you to recognize anything out of the ordinary, and may help you to prevent an affair before it starts. According to the Associated Press, some danger signals of an affair include your spouse talking about the uncertainty of the future a lot. Strangely enough, your spouse may be unusually flattering, but avoids the topic of sex. Your spouse may not look you in the eye, and may make up excuses for not spending time together. Your spouse may also stop complementing you on your physical attractiveness, and may act unusually guilty whenever you do something nice for him or her. In addition, your spouse may start asking if your love is still alive in the relationship. Finally, your spouse may begin acting rudely toward you and refuses to say, "I love you." If you spouse shows these signs, he or she may be at risk for infidelity. Now is the time to act, before it's too late.

How can you affair proof your marriage? The first way is to look at your own behavior. Take this test of fidelity: do you cultivate lunch dates, friendships or coffee breaks with co-workers you're attracted to? Are some of them also e-mail pals? Do you tell them things you don't talk about at home or look to them for emotional support? Is your home life child-centered, rather than spouse-centered? When's the last time you and your mate took a walk together or planned a date night? Infidelity is rooted in the wear and tear of everyday life: pregnancies, illness, demotions, moving, financial pressures, empty nests, in-law conflicts, or any event, good or bad, that puts emotional distance between couples. Long-term emotional infidelity ruins more marriages than one night stands. To affair proof your marriage, fight for the romance. Make a commitment to dates once a week, make efforts to create special occasions, and make a daily awareness of your spouse top priority.

Are Christians immune from having affairs? According to Christian pollster George Barna, the answer is no. In fact, some of his data suggest that the divorce rate is actually higher among some groups of Christians than it is among non-Christians. A spouse's infidelity can seem beyond forgiveness. Even so, the same Bible that harshly condemns infidelity also teaches forgiveness. Faith gives us the strength to forgive. Although the human sense of justice usually recoils at the thought, there is no act that cannot ultimately be forgiven. When we don't forgive, we hate while the person who hurt us is off living his or her life. The hater is the one in pain. The Bible is very clear; those who refuse to forgive will themselves not be forgiven. But forgiving does not mean either condoning or forgetting, nor does forgiveness always mean reconciliation. According to the secular Orlando Sentinel, the reason to forgive may come as a surprise: to heal our own hearts and create more joy in our own lives. Call us for more information about infidelity and forgiveness.